the girl (II)

so, there was a young, angry egyptian girl that i was friends with. i won't use where she is from anymore to identify her, because as i mentioned, i hate racial profilling. its just that, after everything happened, i was thinking to myself, did these things happen because i didnt understand her culture, or personality, or culture and personality mixed? thats when i realized culture has a strong shape affect on personality, that is why i am such a mellow pushover always eager to give up my needs to please other people. 

but, in the end, it was just a clash  of personalities, so i decide, i would not mention anything about culture anymore. anyways, i love egyptians.

so, the mistake was we became roommates accidentally, she didnt have a place to stay for the first half of the semester and i decided to let her stay with us, and because i and my other roommate didnt really care about chores and cleanliness and rent (it worked between us two, because we both DON'T CARE). and suddenly living together results in the 3 of us being obliged to move together to a new apartment.

i was being my own self, thinking about my other roommate and how she is going to survive if i give up my apartment because i am going to be done at the end of the semester, and also i was busy and married, so i didnt get a chance to think straight and discuss with my other roommate, and my other roommate was also thinking to oblige to whatever the future arrangements was, for the sake of each other, which resulted in a fatal mistake.

i should have said no, you, EF, move to the new apt by yourself, and made my BF (my original roommate) stay with me, anyway, it is my right, she should give at least a month notice if she ever wants to move out.

but you see, me and BF don't care, we can live in any arrangement and be happy with each other. sometimes i cook and clean, sometimes (although rarely :D) she cooks. i do it because i want to, not as a favour, and i don't ever mention something like "i took my time and do this but u never reciprocate/appreciate" because when i do something i don't expect appreciation/reciprocation and if i get it, its a nice bonus, but if i don't, whatever, i just like to clean/cook, sometimes, it releases my stress anyways.

so, being roommates with EF really made things complicated for me, because deep inside, i want to be free, i dont want people to tell me what to do, especially at my age. and EF is doing just that. she commented on my frequent flights to meet my husband (we were married but had to live separately due to my school) as wasting money. and got really angry when i didnt want to go to eat outside. i dont like people being angry at me. period. and someone who is not my family/mom/dad telling me what to do? i am sorry but that's crossing boundaries, i didnt even ask for any advice.

so thats the reason we fought (actually a visit from a friend and a heated discussion about sex and marriage initiated the real fight). and then, i realized, due to her personality, i won't miss her as a friend. 

so there. why am i telling all this? i guess because at some point, we still are fighting. i don't want to care anymore, but since we have the same circle of friends, we still meet but do not talk, and i would hate to discuss her with my other friends, because i dont want my friends to start choosing between me or her, or to hear people complain about her and be happy that at last i found people with the same opinion as me... because i hate harboring bad feelings towards people. i want to have neutral or good feelings. for my OWN sake. and i dont prefer to tell this to my husband because its stupid and it is not worth his attention.

so perhaps, a useless blog posted anonymously will help to vent out my anger i guess.